A gentle satire on search engine interaction
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a software firm in possession of a large fortune must be in want of an acquisition…
There is something tremendously satisfying about watching the search engine firms flirt, fall out, argue and compete. It is so very human, for all that they are enormous and powerful corporations. The recent Microsoft attempts at acquiring Yahoo! made me think of a regency romance, far trashier than Jane Austen:
Miss Yahoo! shrank back against the piano, pale but determined. “Sir,” she gasped, “your offer insults me. You think my love can be bought with trinkets!”
The Marquis de Microsoft stroked his moustache and raised a haughty eyebrow. “Madam, I have made you a respectable offer. I am a wealthy man with a large and reliable fortune. ‘Twould be madness to refuse me.” He stalked to the fireplace and stared deep into the flames, gritting his teeth. “Furthermore, my dear, I have told half of London that I shall marry you and marry you I shall!”
She glared at his figure, hunched powerfully over the fireplace, and strengthened her resolve. “I do not wish to marry… you.”
Just then, the door burst open and Sir Guy of Google charged into the room. “Unhand her, sir!” he demanded, slightly unnecessarily, for the two were standing some distance from one another, each disdainful in their mutual dislike. “Miss Yahoo!, don’t throw yourself away on the Marquis de Microsoft. Do not trust his solicitations! I have reason to believe his intentions are not honourable.”
The Marquis eyed the knight of Google with a steely contempt and laid his hand meaningfully upon his sword. Without taking his eyes from the younger man, he snapped curtly at Miss Yahoo! “I give you until Saturday to change your mind. After that, I shall wait upon your family who will accept my offer on your behalf!” and he stormed out of the room.
Shortly after these stirring scenes it was remarked that - far from chasing her further - the Marquis de Microsoft shunned the presence of Miss Yahoo!. Some thought he had grown tired of being rebuffed, others suggested that those who might have forced her into such a union did not choose to. However, some could not help noticing that the Marquis was spending considerable time with the nouveau riche, like the dashing Lady Facebook and Mademoiselle Myspace…
